The wife has been remarkably understanding about my Man
Crushes. Most likely because her first experience with one created the false
impression that they were harmless. I was hypnotized by the evil tiger (Tai
Lung) in Kung Fu Panda. When the credits rolled and I saw that the voice was
Ian McShane, Deadwood's Al Swearengen, it made sense.
How is it that people whose home countries were so
thoroughly and permanently screwed up by British Colonial rule can still be
anglophiles? And what does it further say about me that my man-crush
anglophilia is mostly directed at English actors (McShane as Swearengen, Shane
Taylor as Eugene Roe in Band of Brothers) speaking in American accents?
I figured I would go with a less obvious Band of Brothers
man-crush than Damian Lewis as Dick Winters. Seeing as he's now on some hit TV
show (Homeland) that I have not seen, but understand that he may or may not be
working for an Arab terrorist, that one I should best keep to myself.
The only man-crush I have on a man who speaks in an English
accent is Jamie Oliver. His cookbooks are part of the appeal, the recipes are
are simple and delicious - the man encourages the use of Indian curry paste
from a jar and even gives instruction on how to scramble eggs just in case
you've been doing it wrong all this time. But other than the occasional bit of
slang in his recipes (brilliant and sarnie), its not like I’m attempting an
Essex accent while cooking with them.
The appeal of him being an EnglishMAN is due to who he is
not. He is not the over-the-top American alpha-male celebrity chef, nor is he
Englishwoman Nigella Lawson, who causes me to feel an uncomfortable tingle down
there every time I hear her speak.
Hearing Steve Inskeep's awkward flirting with her during NPR
segments, you imagine the way she talks about food is the same way she talks
about sex. Far be it me to question her very successful business model, but
let's just say I prefer to keep my attention focused on the room in the house
where I am less incompetent. Another difference between food and sex is that it
is far less expensive, and far more legal, to pay a professional to show you
how the former should be done right.
When I lived in Virginia, my neighbor would regale me with some
of her exploits, much to my confusion. I think it was there that I developed my
aversion to mixing food with sex.
Her: There is nothing better than licking whipped cream off
someone during sex
Me: Wouldn't that get stuck in the chest hair? <pause>
Oh, on the girl, right.
Anyway, where was I?
Yes, all of these crushes pale in comparison to my nerd envy of young
mister Silver. I mean I am the man who chose his graduate school major on the
basis that "I had all the other nerd attributes, poor social skills, fear
of women, I just needed to get better at math."
So for young Mister Silver to have reached the pinnacle of
my "profession”, when all I ever do is just move numbers around in
spreadsheets. Other than emulating
a teenage girl watching the Beatles on Ed Sullivan, I wouldn't even know where
to begin.
I'm sure Nadia and Sofia would. But all I can think of right
now are the lazy ones:
Silver? Why so modest? I understand Gold maybe a little too
cliché, but Platinum! Titanium! You've earned it.
Silver is extending his
relationship with The Old Gray Lady? Isn’t she too old to give him children?
–Nadia
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